Sunday, July 11, 2010
So Girly
Johna and I behaved like girls tonight. I painted her finger (forever lilac) and toe (peony) nails... or purple & pink. :) We did each others hair and make up. She looked precious and I looked like a clown, only worse. lol Plus we cuddled and I read her a Magic School Bus book. Some moments in life are just so wonderful!
Church
Well I told myself yesterday that I would finally take myself and the kids to church without John. Why should we not get to go to church just because he can't or won't take us? But of course my shyness prevailed and I sabotaged myself by staying up till after 4am on the computer and reading a book. I didn't get up till just before 11am. Maybe next Sunday....
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Siblings & Rants
I understand that siblings fight and that is why I don't understand why it bothers me so much when it happens. If I expect the 3 kids to argue then why does it annoy me beyond belief when it happens? LJ is 16 so of course the younger kids annoy him but does he have to be mean to them??? I understand that Johna is self absorbed but does she have to be so bothersome to the boys? Tyler is suffocating to LJ and mean to Johna. LJ states that he "can't stand them" but maybe he will "when they are older." Gosh how thoughtful of him! Tyler wants to be best friends with LJ and totally controlling with Johna. He manipulates everything so that he wins. If she has the nicer toy he can talk it right out of her hands. Which I find so infuriating! Johna is very 'typical' about a lot of things but then a lot of things about her are autistic.
Example - Tonight LJ gave her permission to play his Wii Zelda game but told her not to play his saved game. So, she played the game and deleted his game. Now he had only been playing it for 3 days so it was not months of work lost, which would be devastating, I do understand that, but it was some work lost and he was upset, and I understand that too. He forbid anyone from playing his game which I agreed with. The things to look at here are this, Johna knew deleting the game was bad but that is as far as her understanding would take her. She didn't think about the amount of time that he had spent playing the game, she didn't think about his feelings at all, she took nothing else into account. She had the thought to delete it and in her own little impulsive world, her world that she so kindly allows us to dwell in, details played no part in her action. So, while I would have discussed the actions she took given the chance, I would not have punished her for it. She didn't 'GET IT' and her brother doesn't understand that. In his teenage world, where I'm sure it feels like life isn't fair, he doesn't comprehend her mind. All he sees is his evil, I believe bitch was his word choice, step mother making excuses for the youngest child instead of handing out discipline. And for the record, the youngest child does get discipline but it will never seem or probably ever be fair to the older brothers. Maybe I do make excuses and let Johna's autism have more spotlight than it deserves but I spend more time with her than anyone and I know her more than anyone. I believe I have been lucky enough to be allowed more glimpses into Johna-land than anyone else. So, when I allow something to be an autism behavior instead of a Johna spoiled behavior, 9 times out of 10 I will be correct. No need for second guessing from anyone here, I have this job down. This is my daughter and I know her well.
Sorry I believe I went on a lil rant there. I am kind of prone to them. Rants and giggles, they just pop up and out whenever they want. But as my rant was suppose to be saying, Johna does need a lil more understanding than a NT child might. She knows right from wrong on the base level and can even twist things to get her way on occasion but she thinks and acts impulsively and she does not think things through. Let me repeat that because it is important, She Does NOT Think Things Through. So, as people who love her, we try to help her and a lot of times we suck it up and take one for the team. This is a team, this is a family. You are either with us or against us. You cannot postpone love and compassion. You adore through good times, like sticky kisses and giggles, and the bad times like fecal smearing and deleted games. Shit happens! I've had my fair share of taking one for the team and I can still say with 100% honesty that I'd do it again and again because I couldn't live w/out Johna or Tyler or LJ. The three of them are my children, my wonderful annoying spoiled special gift's from God. I am truly blessed and totally stressed at the same time.
Darn it, that might have been another rant. lol
Example - Tonight LJ gave her permission to play his Wii Zelda game but told her not to play his saved game. So, she played the game and deleted his game. Now he had only been playing it for 3 days so it was not months of work lost, which would be devastating, I do understand that, but it was some work lost and he was upset, and I understand that too. He forbid anyone from playing his game which I agreed with. The things to look at here are this, Johna knew deleting the game was bad but that is as far as her understanding would take her. She didn't think about the amount of time that he had spent playing the game, she didn't think about his feelings at all, she took nothing else into account. She had the thought to delete it and in her own little impulsive world, her world that she so kindly allows us to dwell in, details played no part in her action. So, while I would have discussed the actions she took given the chance, I would not have punished her for it. She didn't 'GET IT' and her brother doesn't understand that. In his teenage world, where I'm sure it feels like life isn't fair, he doesn't comprehend her mind. All he sees is his evil, I believe bitch was his word choice, step mother making excuses for the youngest child instead of handing out discipline. And for the record, the youngest child does get discipline but it will never seem or probably ever be fair to the older brothers. Maybe I do make excuses and let Johna's autism have more spotlight than it deserves but I spend more time with her than anyone and I know her more than anyone. I believe I have been lucky enough to be allowed more glimpses into Johna-land than anyone else. So, when I allow something to be an autism behavior instead of a Johna spoiled behavior, 9 times out of 10 I will be correct. No need for second guessing from anyone here, I have this job down. This is my daughter and I know her well.
Sorry I believe I went on a lil rant there. I am kind of prone to them. Rants and giggles, they just pop up and out whenever they want. But as my rant was suppose to be saying, Johna does need a lil more understanding than a NT child might. She knows right from wrong on the base level and can even twist things to get her way on occasion but she thinks and acts impulsively and she does not think things through. Let me repeat that because it is important, She Does NOT Think Things Through. So, as people who love her, we try to help her and a lot of times we suck it up and take one for the team. This is a team, this is a family. You are either with us or against us. You cannot postpone love and compassion. You adore through good times, like sticky kisses and giggles, and the bad times like fecal smearing and deleted games. Shit happens! I've had my fair share of taking one for the team and I can still say with 100% honesty that I'd do it again and again because I couldn't live w/out Johna or Tyler or LJ. The three of them are my children, my wonderful annoying spoiled special gift's from God. I am truly blessed and totally stressed at the same time.
Darn it, that might have been another rant. lol
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Long time away
Wow, it's been months since I've logged into this thing. I'd like to say I was busy and accomplished so much but that would be a lie.
It's weird, my last post was about signing up for last year's Cincinnati autism walk, which I was doing late then. The walk is in May and I didn't sign up until April. Well, I can happily say I am a little more on the ball this year and a day or two ago I signed up for this years walk, and its ONLY Jan. Woo hoo!!!
I quit smoking. It was my new years resolution. I'm doing okay I think. The only time I really think about smoking is when I am driving somewhere and right after I eat. Of course maybe I'm doing worse than I want to admit because I did bite off 3 of my lovely long nails tonight. It's an odd time to quit though. I'm starting school on the 11th and I'm so stressed out about it... stressful times always makes me want to smoke. Hell I started smoking the first time I went to college.
I can honestly say, this year I'll be super busy. I don't know when or if I'll get to write in this thing but I do enjoy running off at the mouth (fingers) with nothing much to say... so, who knows.
It's weird, my last post was about signing up for last year's Cincinnati autism walk, which I was doing late then. The walk is in May and I didn't sign up until April. Well, I can happily say I am a little more on the ball this year and a day or two ago I signed up for this years walk, and its ONLY Jan. Woo hoo!!!
I quit smoking. It was my new years resolution. I'm doing okay I think. The only time I really think about smoking is when I am driving somewhere and right after I eat. Of course maybe I'm doing worse than I want to admit because I did bite off 3 of my lovely long nails tonight. It's an odd time to quit though. I'm starting school on the 11th and I'm so stressed out about it... stressful times always makes me want to smoke. Hell I started smoking the first time I went to college.
I can honestly say, this year I'll be super busy. I don't know when or if I'll get to write in this thing but I do enjoy running off at the mouth (fingers) with nothing much to say... so, who knows.
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